Friday, March 28, 2008
8:05 am
Last workday of the week!
Major YAY!-ness!
*Goes off to work*
Monday, March 24, 2008
10:55 pm
It is very disheartening, when (pardon the obvious currently inflated state of my ego) people whom you've all along thought to mean enough to, just blatantly forgot about that day in your life that signified the anniversary of your existence.
Okay, so I don't really give much thoughts to my birthday, other than it's the one of many that compels us (my secondary school friends and I) to meet up, because we're all too busy with the different things in life that our birthdays end up being the only days when we can truly free up mutual hours to spend together.
But still, it stings that people who you think are friends enough didn't say anything, and had practically disappeared off the face of the earth since graduating from Polytechnic.
Not to mention that I had found out about a somewhat important life-event only through someone else's blog.
Can you believe that?
Then again, there are those who I've never expected to remember my birthday who have sent me well wishes. And I hardly talk to some of those people (as compared to the previous category of I-guess-friends), and at least one of them was someone I don't recall ever telling my birthday to.
And where does that put the rest of you, whom I've been patiently waiting for a message from, whom I did not dare hope to receive a message from, whom, as a result had my mind dancing and singing in an irritating chorus of "I told you so!"?
Pssh. Whatever.
I should curb my tendency to complain. I like to complain. It's an outlet for me to utilise my vocabulary when I'm in the mood, and when my mental thesaurus is feeling sufficiently cooperative.
Still, it's a nasty habit, and I should try to reduce the quantity and frequency of which I rant.
Anyway, today was my first day of working alone. Like, really alone, because the other guy who was helping me along the first few days went back to his studies and thus I had a miniscule controlled and calm inner panic session on Sunday because, what if I'm still as muddled as I was two weeks ago? What if I screw up? What if I felt stupid to the others working there? What if...
Ah... Bad habit number two: Paranoia.
I drive people (and myself) nuts with it.
Well, as it turned out, things weren't too bad today. At least, not as bad as my fatalistic mind had made it out to be.
*Huge sigh of relief*
One day at a time. Just gonna take one day at a time.
It's bittersweet, the hold you still have on me.
And yet it's pathetic, how I allow you to remain having an iota of propriety over my being. I won't say it's my heart that you have, because you didn't have it, and I was too young and not well-versed with the workings of people-relations enough to know how to go about giving it.
What you had was my time, hours I've wasted when I could get home earlier to get some rest and TV time just so we'd sit together for twenty minutes during the bus ride home, then chat for another ten minutes at the risk of my mother getting annoyed for my not getting home faster. A risk I took, because it's you, and that you're only less than a metre away from me.
You had my attention, and I didn't recognise it until years later, that you literally had me from "Hello." I grinned because you appeared at the extreme edge of my peripheral view; I laughed because you were laughing from something we said; I never fail to know just where you are if you're near enough for me to know.
Sometimes it hurts like an ache (clichéd, but true), when memories resurface. They still do. And then I'd take a moment to relive the past, of how young we were, and how foreign it all felt that it took two years and a friend to state things right in my face for me to finally see it for what it was.
I've thought about you today, although I can't forgive myself for doing that and had rolled my eyes at how uncharacteristically sentimental I was being.
I've always berated myself over the irrefutable truth that you had- still have- such a loose but definite hold on my mind, both conscious and subconscious.
I was waiting for the bus to take me to work, at the bus stop where we used to wait for the other bus that would take us to school. I've never admitted that I had begun taking the insanely-early bus just so I could spend thirty minutes more with you, have I?
So I was waiting for the bus today, far enough behind the stand that I was at the void deck of the HDB flat instead, in my highly-uncomfortable heels and breathing in toxic gases from some inconsiderate person who was smoking upwind, when I had this sudden urge to walk the few steps to the front of the bus stop so that I could look up at the apartment unit where you used to live just across the road.
I bet I could find it in a heartbeat, not needing to count up the number of storeys. Needn't ever, since the first few mornings when you waved to me from the corridor in the school uniform and with that silly grin and I had wished that the bus would be slow enough so that you could catch it, because that way we'd both be on it.
Then I realised how foolish I was in that moment this morning, so I focused on what my iPod was playing instead.
On my way home today, I got on the bus that passed by our secondary school. When it did, my eyes went straight for the first seat at the bus stop opposite the school's side gate. In my mind I saw the two of us racing to get that seat, and I bumped my finger on it in the process. You won, and I whined about a hurting pinky.
I feel really dumb now, that these things still seemed like yesterday to me; that it's just as fresh in my mind as if it had happened mere seconds ago; that you were grinning that silly grin and I was rolling my eyes at you.
It is really stupid. Even more so that I'm here blogging about it after so many years. And I'm annoyed at myself for periodically succumbing to the already-faraway recollections. Yet somehow, it's all right, because I really need to get this off, even though I know it'll be a long time before I can no longer remember the old days, the hour-long Saturday phonecalls, that thin scar in your right eyebrow, and that sparkle in your eyes.
Labels: TK
Sunday, March 23, 2008
12:12 pm
Oh, the dreaded 20!
First thing I did as a twenty-year-old (gosh, that sounds strange):
Clean (mop) the kitchen floor.
Okay, that was too random and really, who wants to know?
Anyway, first, gotta thank Fabian for calling just a few minutes past midnight because he wanted to wish me happy birthday, even though we're both on MSN Messenger and I wouldn't mind if he said it over the Internet instead.
I'm a low-maintenance friend, really.
And in chronological order (because I'm marginally OCD that way (technically, I'm not, but I can be obsessive sometimes)) of SMSes, thanks to:
WY, Rashidah, KY, YM,
HE (whom I've known since kindergarten, the poor girl),
BH, Jon, Chuan, Phoenix and KT!
Then there's Noel, for uh... the well wishes sent through KY.
Better than nothing, I suppose =)
And of course to SL, BH, JT, Samantha and QJ for the card, and KY, YM, Fabian and my sister for the presents, although I wouldn't mind if there isn't any.
(Note aforementioned Low Level of Maintenance.)
Last, and most definitely not least, darling Pauline for "singing" for me on my tagboard.
Which, reminds me, I'd better go get a screenshot of it.
Love you guys LOADS!
Oh, look!
A new chapter of Lacuna!
Can today get any better? =)
Labels: Fanfictions, Fic recs
Saturday, March 22, 2008
11:14 pm
March 15th. Got woken up real early to have breakfast with the family at the KFC where Big Splash used to be.
* * *
A few weeks ago, I've finally received the stuff that Pauline sent from USA.
In a box that she had drawn hearts all over of.
So sweet =)
Just gotta love that girl.
My (much-anticipated) iPod Nano Second Generation.
8GBs. Woohoo~
Haven't the time to properly organise every song I have
so it's only got English songs for the time being.
Planet Earth 5 disc DVD box set!
I've still got 3 discs to go
(which equates to 9 hours of documentaries).
Sir David Attenborough is TEH VOICE for nature documentaries.
And the series are just SO GOOD.
It's like watching/learning Geography all over again,
along with natural history.
Something about that combination just sparks the curious scholar (G33K) in me.
* * *
I've started work near Suntec, in this building called The Concourse (which I think lacked serious planning when it was first built. To me, it felt more like an office building rather than the shopping mall it had been partially intended for), for an American agricultural MNC with about 140 years of history and blahblahblah.
During the interview, I had the impression that work would be highly stressful but after the first few days spent in the office, PFFT, it's nothing compared to the chaos of my internship company.
Anyway, just two days ago on Thursday, I met up with KY, SL (my L3 partner!) and BH for an early birthday dinner at Kenny Rogers (Marina Square branch).
It's quite a small group, but it's nice to catch up with them, especially since everyone's busy and birthdays are when we take time out to spend together.
Our spread.
Hail the holy Macaroni and Cheese.
Yum.
The Before.
(That thing KY's poking her fork at? Our Pork Pie.)
Tastes just as nice as it looks.
And the After.
I find it truly amusing, BH's messy assortment of chicken bones.
Me passing my camera.
Thus continuing my tradition from last year
of showing a photo of myself without really showing my face.
Hah.
My (really sudden) birthday (cup)cake that KY (secretly) bought.
Was a little miffed at first because she had disappeared for such a long time in the bathroom (presumably) and on top of the fact that she's the friend I've known for the longest time and...
Then she shows up with the cupcake and candles and I just melted.
Shh... don't tell.
I'm not supposed to be so sentimental.
And that's the necklace she gave me,
of which I made a face and, isn't that a tad too "girly" for me?
And she replied, "Isn't that the point?"
And the card they made.
Had fun reading all their messages.
Especially JT's! Gosh, she's as rubbish as ever!
=)
* * *
YM and Fabian came over this afternoon
to recreate that chocolate thing I did last month.
YM wrestling with the butter and sugar.
And then realising that they needed to be mixed together.
YM melting the chocolate.
Apparently, not many people know what "folding" is.
Had to stop her from whisking the whole mixture.
Fabian, finally contributing some effort.
A little interlude,
because my mother thought those vessels look like ghost ships
out there in the sea and under the heavy rain.
Back to our baking.
Did some with the choc-raspberry filling
(because my grandmother and those two didn't get to try it before)
and the rest without, because my parents think they taste better that way.
The tee-shirt those two shared to buy for me.
YM remembered my obsession with polo-tees!
Love the graphic on the inside of the shirt.
Love all my friends even more for all the things they've done for me.
=)
Labels: Baking, Photos
Sunday, March 02, 2008
6:16 pm
Went with KY for the Arts, Design and Media faculty intake test at Nanyang Technological University yesterday morning after about three hours of sleep (because KY, who had stayed over, refused to sleep before 3am) following by almost 2 hours of travelling from one end of Singapore to the other.
I had to work a little faster with the few sketches we all had to complete along with other narrative ones in just an hour and a half.
Considering that it's been a long while since I've really sketched something at all, I was quite satisfied with one of the sketches I did as an answer to one of the questions. And then there was one where we had to write 150 words (okay, so I wrote more than that) short story using twelve words from the much longer prompt list that was given.
Take that, Mr. Writer's Block!
Although it isn't really counted as conquering WB as I had no choice but to write it, I was very pleased with what I came up with. So last night, I tried to recall it as accurately as possible so that it can be uploaded.
Flight
Crossposted on Musings, FictionPress and Livejournal.
I tried to login to FicWad but for some reason, I couldn't. And it's been hours since I've reported about forgetting my password and nothing's been sent to my Yahoo! account at all.
How agonisingly efficient.
Anyway. Coincidentally, I've written an essay with the same title for my O'Level English paper four years back, albeit with a more literal interpretation of the word. What's this affinity with "Flight" and tests, seriously?
Labels: Creations, Ficlets, Fictions, One-shots