Wednesday, January 18, 2006
1:59 pm
overslept this morning and it was too late to take a cab by the time i got downstairs so i went home and watched a vcd after pacing along the walkway next to the road like an ass.
there goes 1 japanese tutorial.
went to school for mbs tutorial and screwed up yet another presentation.
we knew next to nothing about what we were supposed to present.. shows how organised and prepared my group is.
after the tutorial the rest went to pizza hut i guess, so i headed home because i just remembered that my wallet was lacking usable money.
i feel so angsty, gloomy, grey and.. empty all of a sudden.
maybe it's my not-yet-recovered throat that dries up 2 seconds after i put some fluid through it so i had to keep pouring water down that pipe of mine.
i just had this spur of the moment where i decidedly feel that i don't want to deal with anything. be it work, people, anything.
perhaps after all these while i had mistaken myself to be those "wanting to be around people" kind of person when actually i might prefer being left alone. it just takes too much energy to understand everyone else and then thinking for them whenever i wanted to say or do something, or to make sure that whatever i do doesn't put anyone in an awkward position (which ultimately only puts me in a less than perfect position).
sometimes i really envy those who could do things the way they like it as and whenever they wanted to yet not needing to care about any other thing.
and i wonder, why the hell does all these matter so much to me? why can't i live like those characters in stories, shows or movies? carefree, letting the rest of the world pass by and they would just roll their eyes at it and go, "like i give a damn about it."
and then it hits me: it's just a story.
dammit, life sucks big time. why was i even born.
maybe by tomorrow i'll decide that angsting takes too much energy out of me and hopefully, it will stop.