Wednesday, March 01, 2006
11:58 pm
there was something that i should have mentioned yesterday.
28th february.
it was one of my friend's birthday. it was also the day that she passed away due to some brain tumor stuff.
i remembered having this huge arguement with her back in primary5 and we didn't talk to each other since then.
until secondary1 when i found out that she got in the same secondary school as i did, and also realising that it was a damn stupid thing for the both of us to grudge over and to lose this friendship to, that i decided to end all this.
so i apologised and she said she had already forgotten the whole incident and told me that it was ok.
i thought we could see each other in school everyday like we used to years ago but she only made it to school twice (she already came down with the illness then). then her conditions got worse and she had to stay at home. not a big problem because i could still "disturb" her there.
finally she ended up in the hospital and one day in secondary2, another primary school friend called me and told me over the phone, crying, that our friend had passed away.
well, there had been the sending her off on her last journey thing, seeing her for the last time thing, and then things calmed down after a while.
i mean, how bad could we have reacted? we were only 14 then, and although it's not a kiddy age, we were still too young to fully comprehend the real meaning of death.
but what really hit me afterwards was that we had wasted 2 years of our lives and our friendship by holding that grudge that was not there anymore. sometimes, life is just too short to keep putting hopes on a tomorrow that may never come for us to say "i'll go apologise tomorrow" or, "i'll go see her tomorrow".
i'm no sappy person who goes "oh, i'm gonna live my live on her behalf" or "i'll help her live the life she never had". my life is mine to lead and my paths to choose, not to be affected by the obligation for another.
what has been taught by her death was to not have any regrets by the end of 1 day that would carry on to the next (well, i didn't really accomplish that..) and that risks and chances are meant to be taken.
who knows what good will come out when you dare to take the chance to make something out of nothing? what turns in life will come when you risk getting hurt or hurting someone to trust your own judgement about things?
maybe i'm more comfortable taking risks than most people i know (not to say that i'm completely fearless about it) but it just feels like an itch (metaphorically) when you see someone you know not wanting to try even if some good may come out of it.
life has its challenges and there isn't much point to it if you won't take the chance to find out if that pithole in your path conceals a treasure or a hidden swamp of crocodiles (don't ask why crocodiles. it was the first dangerous thing that came to my mind).
anyways, i'm not saying everyone should be risk-taking. do it only if you're comfortable with that, but it's a chance wasted if you don't.
ok, enough sadness.
now for a random piece of something.
I CAN'T FIND MY ONLY FRIGGIN NAIL-CLIPPER THAT I EVER USE!!
dammit..