Saturday, May 13, 2006
3:59 pm
alright, phoenix, this is the post that you're most probably waiting for with a bag of chips opened in front of you as you sit in front of your computer that has a crazy connection, reading this latest entry of mine with anticipation.
you told me to be persistent and so i guess i shall go ahead with it.
i seem to remember that 10 years ago, i had a very bad temperament and have no control of my anger so whoever crosses my line, i would personally make sure that he/she gets it back from me many times worse than what i had gone through.
yeah well, i was vengeful, bitter, with stubborness that would make the present me shake my head in shame.
as i grew, subconsciously, i had a better hold of my temper but somehow when it came to things that i needed to stand up for, my new milder temper became a vulnerability and i would just swallow back whatever venomous words i have, "for the greater good for everyone".
that was so dumb of me.
nah-ah, no more of that. i still have that bitterness within me and seriously, i couldn't care less about anymore people getting hurt because of me.
yes, i'm selfish. big deal. who isn't?
to a certain extent, everyone is selfish at some points of time.
sometimes i can be a real bitch, but you know what?
i don't care. i'll just let it out all at one go.
let's see, how should i start?
how about in response to phoenix's blog entry?
quote nix's blog: "wow. her boyfriend is really amazing. yeah, amazingly narrow-minded. poor zq, dont worry i'm behind you all the way!!"
no wonder phoenix no longer tags my tagboard anymore.
narrow-minded? wow, seems like i've been shielding myself from too much of his down-points for what -omg!- over a year!
i guess i'm being quite dumb!
click here. it's an email, by the way.
i'm too lazy to list out all the points that i want to "rebutt" (to put it in a nicer word than "argue") about.
oh, don't mind the bad english. i've lived with that for over a year, a few minutes won't kill that much of your braincells.
firstly, i went to mjc's concert because no one else was free, or interested enough to go.
plus i am not one who backtracks to whoever that may have liked me in the past (so mb, you can give up if you had ever thought about it haha.. but i know you didn't, so you can relax now).
so much for "knowing me too well".
from logic, or rather, common sense, it is much more of a waste by desperately hanging on to something that doesn't exist anymore than to just let it go and continue with whatever life you have.
and since there isn't any feeling left (and i can safely say that mine had already long gone), there isn't anything left to build up on.
common sense, no?
and what's with the numbered points? i absolutely hate it when people talk to me in the "i'm lecturing you haha i'm like so much higher above you see i'm so great" tone.
seriously, cut the crap. you know i hate male chauvinism.
your friends told you that you deserve better?
why, hello? who's downgrading the most here?
as much as i hate mentioning, i seem to remember that my o's results were what, 4 times better than yours?
not much of a point, but hey, who's the one who deserves better here?
oh wow, he says i'm bitchy and i'm proud.
there's a bitchy part in every female, i suppose. sometimes it shows and sometimes it doesn't.
i'm too arrogant to listen?
may i laugh at that?
has it ever occurred to you that it's all because nothing you say makes sense? have you thought about much sensibility your words carry?
not a bit of maturity present.
i still have to wait for your consent to initiate a break? you still think there's a point in continuing?
my gosh, there are really some screws loose up there.
a break doesn't require mutual consent. common sense, yet again.
there is still a chance of salvation?
open your eyes! i don't see any chances anywhere. do you?
whatever happened in the past don't matter to me at this point of time.
when all you see in a person is the negative things, it just cancels out every good thing in the past, and for the record, i am not one to get held back by my past.
you are the one who does that. not me.
wow, here's another email.
let's recall the reactions of my friends when they tried to link me and the word "flirt".
they laughed. especially nix. it seems that me and "flirt" don't belong in the same sentence.
since when do i learn how to flirt? or maybe it's a hidden talent? wow!
personally, i know perfectly well how you will react when i have no one else to accompany to the concert other than a guy friend.
the most possible thing to happen is to prohibit me from attending the concert.
oh don't say you can't do that. haven't you done that like, n times everytime i want to decide things for myself?
knowing the outcome, would i still tell you that the friend who went out with me is a guy?
sheesh, please use that mass of flesh under that thick skull of yours, will you?
what is this about not allowing other people sending me home?
quote mb: "i could be mean and just left you at the concert hall and not care if you got home safely. because i'm your friend and it's only normal and gentlemanly to be sure that you're safe."
so i guess the safety of your girl doesn't matter as long as no one else sends me home?
bullshit.
sure, you haven't changed. neither have i.
it's just that my bitchy and difficult side hadn't surfaced in the past year and i've been consoling myself that those goddamned irritating traits you have are just "small quirks" that i will find endearing when we continue further down our path.
well, seems that you're too full of yourself for me to keep deceiving myself about everything about you.
and now he calls me a piece of junk.
i seem to recall some moral in a story that goes somewhat like "you are what you think of others."
piece of junk? i guess it's a mutual feeling then.
oh, and if any of you ever visit his blog longer than 10 seconds after surviving the dumb popups, the less-than-perfect english and spelling errors that he stubbornly does not want to improve on, these are what you will see (also pointed out by phoenix):
"Just hope that i might find someone new to share my new chapter of life soon."
"Now then i know why guys dont like to have girls who are clever than them. that is because girls will come over their heads and that is what happen to me."
well, good luck finding "someone new" one who has more patience than me and is thick enough to overlook all your "endearing quirks".
if i were to add on, perhaps, i don't "come over my head" (i don't know about other girls, but i know i don't).
you were already too full of yourself in the first place. maybe that "someone new" wouldn't mind feeding your oversized ego, but seriously, i have better things to attend to.
and he complains about other people not being matured enough although she is 2 years older than him.
for a guy who is already 19, i don't see much maturity present either.
birds of a feather flock together, i suppose.
there, persistent enough, nix?
a break doesn't need mutual consent. i for one, have my own life to live.
quote him:
"I have nothing more to say but please do some soul searching. Do you want to be a person who has personlitily or a person who has no personliatily and be a junk."
soul searching? "personlitily"? "personliatily"?
hah. i will throw that right back at you.
now i feel better after letting it all out. no wonder he doesn't care what he puts on his blog.
it feels so good to not care.
hey, at least i maintained confidentiality, right?
no names were mentioned anyways. *shrugs*
go do what you want, show your friends my blog and tell them about how bitchy i'm being and victimise yourself again.
i know perfectly well how bitchy i can be at times and whatever that you're going to do isn't going to affect me anymore.