Sunday, October 01, 2006
11:30 pm
*first things first, if you're not an atheist or is fiercely devoted to christianity, don't read this entry.
if you still read what follows and decided to be offended by what i post, that's your own business.
i've warned you.*
will there never be an end to people who will keep telling you that by putting your faith in someone's hands and allow yourself to be cleansed your soul will reach eternal peace in a place called heaven?
right. i'm just an atheist who, although speaks of higher powers, so do NOT believe in them.
deities, spirits, ghosts, whatever.
i have myself and that is more than enough for me.
no offense for those who would disagree with me but hey, not everyone believes in the same thing.
friends who know me well enough understand that i'm no longer interested in it.
jt asked me out for events but doesn't go on and on about the goodness of it all when i make it clear that i'm not into it.
i mean, if i'm interested, then i wouldn't be sitting in a bus, on my way home, waiting for some random uncle to come tell me that he's relieved of his pains and sins because he's cleansed, and telling me that He will bless me.
um, like, you think He's so free that when billions of people bless each other He will go around painstakingly one by one fulfilling their blessings?
ok, for those you believe, of course he will.
i mean, there is a reason for those people to put their faith where they put it, right?
i for one, am feeling over-blessed so you can save it for someone else who really needs it.
besides, sprinkling water on people don't lift all their sins. it's all in the mind.
as long as you forgive yourself for doing the wrong thing to people who don't deserve your illness, you recognise that you did do something wrong and in that, you will learn to repent THUS relieving yourself of your evildoings by YOURSELF.
yeah well, provided you truly believe in your own strength and have full faith in yourself.
i blame it on excessive Saiyuki and other minekura-sensei's work.
it must have somehow contributed to my inhumanly high level of self-recognition.
and somehow through it i learn that the only entity that will help you through difficult times is yourself.
the only person that will never betray you is yourself.
like, take praying for example. waiting for an answered prayer is like waiting for a subconsciously made decision to surface to your conscious mind.
in actual fact, you already have the answer in your mind but you needed reassurrance that it is the right choice. your mind knows that it is correct, it is just that you needed confirmation that it's correct is correct.
some wait for a sign. i just listen to myself.
when you listen closely enough you will hear what you needed to hear and not just put it off as not praying hard enough.
i don't need a god. i am my own god.
plus, i don't need to be in heaven when it all ends.
i don't want an afterlife, or reincarnation, or whatever crap there is.
nothing but white fluff to accompany me till the end of time?
another life to live after this one is though?
no thanks. one life is too bloody much.
i just want my consciousness to end. no more. please.
one lifetime is more than enough.